Brennan walks alone
by awesomevegetarian
Summary: Just a very short one-shot. Late one night Brennan walks alone. Brennan's POV. I DON'T OWN BONES


She was walking the familiar, overgrown backstreets by her home. She knew the small back alleys well, after many sleepless nights had led her there. Temperance didn't feel scared walking alone through them, she was tough. Most nights she walked, knowing no-one could find her, and liking the fact they couldn't. It was nice to be on her own for a while and be in her own mind. The darkness has become comforting to her, like a security blanket, dark enough to keep secrets safe. She could always protect herself if needed and right now she needed the darkness.

Another nightmare had killed any chances of further sleep, and so she was wondering the empty streets. The feel of the night was nice after the panic and destruction of the dream. She knew she lived in a nice neighbourhood-until you went down the small, dark paths; there was little chance of her getting hurt. She sighed to herself as she remembered the source of the nightmare. Her brother trapped, Temperance helpless-just watching. She hated being powerless-even if it was just in the dream world. As soon as she had woken up she had come out, in control of her life again, if only for a moment. She turned to go home, having reached the end of her usual walk and knowing she could go to her sanctuary if she got dressed; she could go to the lab.

Back in her cold, empty apartment, she tried to objectively assess her life. Something had to change, she hated the pattern of the nightmares and seemingly empty life. Yes, in work she had friends who she loved in her own way. But, if anyone looked at her life from the outside; now her father was in jail for life and her brother and his family had been killed, she was just a cold workaholic. From their perspective her life was nothing, she had no family to celebrate holidays with or go out on sunny Saturdays. In the end, isn't that what life is all about-simple pleasures?

A wave of depression hit her. She got dressed and went out again-just to avoid the emptiness of the apartment. She didn't know where she was going until she saw it. She pulled into the bar's car park and parked up. She asked for vodka and sat down on the worn leather stall. Just one, she thought.

****

She looked at her watch and was shocked to see it was 10am, the one drink having turned into three, then four, then ten. _The funeral starts in an hour_, she thought-and not for the first time she was glad Booth couldn't find her. Temperance didn't want to bury her brother and his family. She realised something about her life-sat in that bar, on her own, god knows where. The thing that had been true all her life even last night-Temperance Brennan walks alone.

Temperance sighed, the day couldn't get any worse, and that was saying something given she was sat in a bar in the middle of the day. She didn't know what to do. She knew she wasn't going to her brother's funeral, somewhere she never thought she'd be, inevitable or not and she couldn't drive in her condition-legally at least. She didn't have any family she could see and her family of friends would all force her to go to the funeral, somewhere she wouldn't be headed. She could imagine their arguments now- _you'll regret it, you need to go_. No she didn't, she didn't need to see another family member disappear-even if he was already gone. A funeral was something she could easily avoid. She rationalised that the person was gone, there's no need to say goodbye now.

_Suddenly she was 13 again and on a beach, the sun was setting and she was crying. There was suddenly a presence beside her she knew it was him, she could always count on him. One of the only men she trusted, along with her dad, her brother was the only trustworthy man she knew. A girl can always trust her brother to look after her. She had thought Brad was trustworthy-until today, memories came flooding back, betrayal, cheating, kissing her friend. She buried her head in her brother's shoulder and tears started to flow. Her first proper boyfriend had betrayed her; he hadn't even broken up with her before moving on. But Russ made it all better and had taken her home and cured her sadness._

The dilemma was unbearable. She didn't want to be in Washington right now. She didn't want to be in her apartment with pictures and memories. Temperance had only just got her brother back and she didn't want to lose him again. She didn't want sensible advice on matters of the heart. It was out of her control and she hated it, the deed was done and Russ was gone-forever. She had to get away from all the confusing feelings.

Temperance stumbled out of the bar, her thoughts a jumble of sadness and anger, she was going away. She was always good at running; Brennan knew how to get away from it all. She headed for a cab and folded herself in. She reeled off her home address and relaxed into the worn seat. Brennan tried to organise her thoughts, somewhat failing she tried to compartmentalise instead, all her feelings were shoved into a worn box in the back of her mind and soon she was prepared.

Stepping out the cab, she felt different, safer somehow. Having family, someone who loved her meant that she was vulnerable to hurt. Deep down she knew that she was proved right again, everyone left her. Maybe her friends were still there, but how long would it be before they left too and she was hurt all over again?

A sharp knock at her apartment door made her squirm. She knew who it was, and he wouldn't go away. She had to trick him; or he'd never leave her alone. _'Come on Temperance, that's what you want isn't it, peace and quiet. You need to do this to get peace and quiet.'_ She steeled herself and prepared for the whirlwind of Seeley Booth.

"Bones, open up!"  
Temperance winced at the sound of her nickname, but forced herself to be normal for a few minutes.  
"Come in Booth."  
"What are ya doing Bones? The service is starting in 10 minutes!"  
"I'm getting ready Booth."  
"You look terrible. What's happened?"  
"What do you think happened Booth? My brother died. I need a minute. Wait outside."  
Booth complied and Temperance took the opportunity to gather herself. 

5 minutes later she was ready.  
"Come on then Booth"  
"Right, get in the car."  
"Booth, you aren't driving me. I'll take a cab."  
"Come on Bones. I want to take you."  
"I'm independent Booth. I can get there myself. Just let me do this. I'll call a cab and you can go."  
"Bones..."  
"No argument Booth. I won't go otherwise."  
Booth stood, watching as she ordered a cab and then kept his eye on her as she perfected her makeup. Temperance picked up a small handbag containing her passport and some money. Booth considered her reasons and decided it was best she had this control.

The cab arrived and Booth walked down to the SUV while Brennan locked the door. She got in the cab and watched as Booth exited the lot.  
"Washington National Airport please."  
Temperance Brennan was running again, and inside it killed another small part of her that she felt she couldn't stay and rely on people for once.

All that was on her mind was getting away; she didn't want to lose anyone else. Temperance wanted to be by herself again, she was the only reliable person in her life. She knew she could rely on herself; there were no maybes or grey areas in her own mind. Rationality is the only option, certainty and facts, things that can be tried and tested.

She just couldn't define love; the love for her family and friends was just there. She was scared by the fact it could just go away. How can anyone be sure they will love for eternity? Booth, her partner said that you could just know, but that's not enough. Temperance needs to be sure.

The cab pulled into the airport car park. She got out, unconsciously paying the fare and grabbing her bag. Tyres squealed behind her. She turned to see the all too familiar FBI SUV. Why now, Just as she wanted to get away for a while?

"Bones!"  
"Booth, can we just leave it?"  
"No, we can't this is an important event in your life."  
"Why? Russ is dead, he won't care if I'm not there."  
"You need to do this Bones."  
"No, maybe a religious person needs this, I don't. I need to get away."  
"I can't let you do this Bones."  
"Do what?"  
"Leave. Trust me. You should be around us!"  
"Who's us?"  
" Your family."  
"I don't have a family."  
"Come on Bones, we've been through this. We are your family."  
"No. You can't be, I don't want you to leave."  
" I won't Bones. I promise."  
"You can't know that."  
"Yes I can. Please trust me. Let me prove this to you. I am your family and you are mine. I'll promise I'll get you through this. Give your family a chance to support you."  
"I don't know..."  
"Bones, come on. We're partners, the center, we'll get through it, together."  
"Booth I,...I can't"  
"You can Bones. I promise you, you're strong. You can make it through this."  
"I don't know what to do."  
"I'll help, come on Bones. Let's go."

Booth enveloped Temperance in a hug, giving her hope where there was none. She knew that she could make it through with those around her. She needed to rely on her friends, then, perhaps they could become something more and she could become a better person.


End file.
